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Monday Meanie

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In case you were confused, yes, we’re still in a time warp. Yesterday I wrote a post about Sunday. Today I’m writing a post about Monday. Stay with me. It will all be okay.

Let’s get the real life stuff out of the way first so that we can talk about the fun stuff, internet trolls.

Geoff’s scooter is toast. He’s apparently killed another engine, and it will take a couple of weeks and more money than we currently have to fix it. I’m taking deep breaths and trying not to freak out. He’s walking to work and trying not to be depressed.

But last night kids, last night something crazy happened. I received a series of rude comments on the post I wrote yesterday from a total stranger. It ended with her coming onto my blog and calling me a loser. Here are my take aways from this experience, some of which are sarcastic and snarky. That’s how I do things. Get used to it.

1) I wish this blog was monetized because then that lady who didn’t want to give me money would have actually helped me make money by driving up traffic to my site. Theoretical revenge is sweet.

2) In case you were wondering, I wasn’t actually asking people to send me money. I feel like I shouldn’t even have to say this and that the irony was apparent.

3) People make me sad. This person must not have much going on in her life if she chooses to spend her time calling someone as insignificant as me a loser. Is that really what it takes for her to feel good about herself? I fear her education is incomplete.

4) I don’t think that complaining when bad stuff happens in your life is necessarily a bad thing. Just sayin’.

5) I think this is an appropriate time to give a shout out to the working poor. There are a lot of people in this country who went to college and got a degree, but still can’t make enough to live comfortably. That’s a fact. I know plenty of people who are struggling. I’m not alone in this.

6) I suspect a majority of this planet’s population makes less than $20 a day, which is what I allow myself to spend on frivolous things like chai lattes and mascara. Perspective is important.

7) Don’t get into a verbal argument with an English major. You won’t win. This is what we live for.

These are just a few of the utterly random things that have been buzzing through my head since the troll came into my life. Don’t be that person. If you read a blog that you don’t like, just click that lovely red X up there. That’s all you have to do to make it go away.

“A man who has to say “I am the king,” is no king at all.


Broken Down Is Better Than Dead

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Our day started off lovely. Breakfast at McDonald’s.  A nice relaxing morning, a few hours wasted on the Sims. Writing a blog post about lilikoi curd. Relaxing. It was lovely.

Then we had the most delicious hushpuppy-filled lunch at Kiss My Grits. I had a biscuit the size of a cat’s head with fried chicken, country ham, scrambled egg, and pimiento cheese sauce. It was heavenly. I can’t wait to go back there and try their homemade jam and waffles and candied yams and mac and cheese and… well… everything. I’m going to need at least four jars of sweet tea.

Eventually, after a nap on his part and more Sims on mine, Geoff hopped on his scooter and head out to buy chicken food. He had been gone for quite a while when I heard sirens close by, then minutes later, even more sirens. A wave of panic swept over me. I tried to suppress it and be rational, but I headed outside with the gawkers just the same. All the firetrucks had gathered on the street that Geoff would be driving down on his way home from Petland. This failed to calm my nerves. A half hour passed and my husband had still not returned and even my most rational mind figured there was at least a 50% chance that he was dead. I was worried enough that I walked across the street to ask one of the firemen who was just standing near a truck if there were any vehicles involved. Thankfully, I learned that my husband wasn’t set on fire. It was then that I turned around and saw him pushing his moped down the sidewalk.

Turns out the bloody thing broke down just past Kahala Mall. He had to push it the whole way home, a significant portion of which is uphill. My heart was broken for him. Bad things really must stop happening to this poor sweet man.

I wish I could just erase all the stress from his life. I would do anything to make him happy. He works so hard and then all of our money gets spent on misfortune. I need for him to be happy.

Dear Universe,

Please send cash and good luck.



Road Warrior

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I owe you a post.

About two minutes before it was time to leave work yesterday, the big boss came in and said it was pouring down rain and the roads were flooding so everybody should leave now. Of course, this meant I was going to be completely soaked by the time I got home. Everyone tried to offer me a ride. All the fretting was sweet, but a little bit stressful. Honestly, it wasn’t that bad. It was warm and the rain was soft most of the way. Traffic was backed up so nobody was going that fast. I had lovely music in my ear. I was fine until I got home and found my driveway blocked.

That’s when the irritation that I had been trying to suppress all spilled over. The stupid architect on our alley decided to repave his part of the road, which means that all the people who actually live here and need to park in the area at night are supposed to not drive their cars to their own houses. Everybody just pulled down the caution tape and moved the cones and drove down their stupid road anyway. My neighbors don’t have a lot of patience. Neither do I when I’m soaking wet.

LV came over and we had a brilliant five minute French feast. I made salad from a bag and some ridiculously delicious brie that we slathered onto a baguette.  Lindsey brought white wine, and French vanilla ice cream, to keep with the theme. It took almost no effort and was extremely delicious. I had just enough wine, and I’m glad, in the end, that we didn’t have another bottle because I likely would have woken up with a headache.

I love it when LV comes to hang out. There’s extra laughing. I love laughing.

You Take the Good You Take the Bad

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The good news is my scooter is back in front of the house where it belongs. I can drive it to work tomorrow, and things will be back to normal.

The bad news is it cost $170 to fix, and it’s pretty scratched up from where it got knocked over in the street.

The good news is I finished another post for Awesome on 20 that’s going to go up tomorrow. Picnic week is two thirds complete.

The bad news is, we only got fourteen views today. It’s making me a bit sad. I feel like I’ve lost my writing mojo a bit. I’ve just been so tired the last couple days. I can’t seem to make the words work the way I want them to. I just want it to be excellent, and I feel like it’s currently sounding subpar. I need it to sound less like me and more like an awesome blog.

The good news is, my husband loves me and takes care of me and saves the day all the time.

The bad news is, he got a terrible sunburn while saving me yesterday and had some uncool heat stroke symptoms while he was at work today. I felt so guilty.

The good news is I had my contract extended again at the foodbank, so I have another month of guaranteed work. There’s really not a downside to this.

I need a lot of sleep. I’m always saying this. When will I stop being tired?

Rise and Report

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I know I keep saying that my husband is a hero, but dudes, seriously! Today he was a full-on hero of amazing proportions. He found my stolen scooter! It’s in the shop now being repaired, but that will cost so much less than having to buy a new one.

He declared around midday that he was going on a Pee Wee Herman-style crime scene investigation. As far as I know, he didn’t have to wrestle any fat kids in a bathtub, though. While chatting with one of his maintenance pals from the zoo, he learned that there was a blue scooter that had fallen over toward to back of the zoo on the road where we had been parked the night before. He hurried off to investigate, and found my poor trusty scooter lying on it’s side, looking all dejected and forlorn.


It turns out the idiot who stole it must not have noticed that there was a lock on the back wheel. Proof that he truly is an idiot lies in the fact that he had the key to the lock, but didn’t bother to remove it. The scooter will work with the lock on, but not very well. He must have decided to ditch it when it wasn’t running smoothly. Don’t ask me to get inside the mind of a criminal. It’s not where I want to be.

Geoff called the police again to update them. They took some fingerprints off the brakes. Who knows if that will turn up anything. I’m not big on revenge, but if we could catch the guy and at least make him pay for the repairs, that would be great. I don’t even know if that’s possible.

Geoff managed to get the scooter home and had our neighbor use his angle grinder to remove the lock. My keys are still missing, so that was the only way to remove it. He then walked the scooter to the shop we bought it from. It is most definitely NOT right around the corner. It’s probably going to be at least $100 to have new locks put in, and to replace the cracked exhaust pipe. I’m hoping there’s not any other major damage from it being driven with the lock on. I’m sure she’s a bit scratched up from being knocked over in the road, but as long as she’s still drivable, that’s all that matters.

I am so relieved to have my scooter back. I’m just not a car person anymore. My husband saved the day, yet again. And he got a horrible sunburn for his trouble. Somebody should give this man a prize.

Moped Manifesto

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Thursday was a pretty crap day.  I slept horribly for some reason and woke up feeling completely exhausted.  Try as I might, I could not find any energy at work.  One good thing about Thursday was that I still didn’t have to get gas in my scooter.  Or moped.  Whatever you want to call it.

This is what sits in our driveway.  See that car back there.  I’ve only driven it three times, and one of those was to drive it home from the place we bought it from.  The car is for deliveries, long distances, big item shopping trips, and passengers only.  Most of the time, it stays exactly where it is, looking cute in front of my house and giving people an excuse to punch each other.

That blue scooter, yeah that’s mine.  It has a one gallon gas tank.  I fill it up approximately every two weeks.  This is my main mode of transportation.  That one gallon gas tank will take me 100 miles.  I spend less than ten dollars a month on gas.  I haven’t done the actual research on pollution, but I figure if I’m only using two gallons a month, it’s got to be way less than my car.  AND it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that I’m reducing my dependency on foreign oil which is a huge reason why we’re involved in all these wars.

I think you should get a scooter, too.  A brand new 50cc scooter cost me $900.  Just think of how much space there’d be on city streets if everybody who was alone in their car was on a scooter instead.  If some states’ laws were changed to allow a passenger on a scooter, there’d be even fewer cars on the streets.  In one block, I counted 21 cars with only the driver inside.  Why weren’t those people on scooters?  And you can probably fit five scooters in the space it takes to park one car.  They just make so much sense.

If you’re going somewhere by yourself, you don’t have to drive on the freeway, and the temperature is above 50 degrees and not raining, you should be going there on your scooter, not your big SUV.  I know it’s impractical to suggest that Americans not have cars.  Sometimes you need it.  Sometimes I need mine.  But mostly, I don’t.  Mostly, I can get everywhere I need to go on my scooter.  I just have to adjust my expectations a little bit and learn to live with less.  And trust me, when I pull up to the pump, living with less feels so good.

So buy a scooter.  And a helmet.  Always wear a helmet.  Unless you hate your brain and you want it to potentially be smeared onto a city street.  Not only are they economical, they’re also a lot of fun.  I’m not kidding.  Do it.  Consume less.  Pollute less.  Have more fun.  It’s a win win.

Vacation’s Over

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I said we were only taking one day to rest, and I meant it.  I don’t know how many miles I walked today, but it was too many.  It’s the end of the day, and I still don’t have a scooter.  I’m very disappointed.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.

We woke up at 7 am, which proved to be much too early for my weary eyes.  We had our first experience with the free hotel breakfast.  It consisted of hard boiled eggs, toast, and doughnut holes.  When the place is only $60 a night, you don’t complain.  Our room is really nice and has reliable and fast wifi which makes it totally worth it to me.  I can eat a gourmet breakfast some other time.  It filled me up, and really, that’s all that matters.  Anyway…

After that, Geoff set off for his first day at work, and I walked over to a scooter shop I’d seen online, hoping to come home with a new scooter.  Turns out I should have called first, as both of the shops in that area had no used scooters available to sell.  So I walked back, defeated, and plucked up the courage to make about a million phone calls about scooters and apartments on Craigslist.  I set up two appointments today, but only managed to make it to one of them.  Clearly I wasn’t paying attention when using Google Maps.  I could have sworn it said it was a 32 minute walk, but after an hour and a half, I was still over a half a mile away from where I was supposed to be, never mind being an hour late.  So I abandoned poor Ernie, and started walking back.

To my surprise, Geoff actually got home from work around 2:30, so I talked him into walking all the way out to see the second apartment with me.  As I suspected, it was dark and cramped and in a not so hot neighborhood.  I think that’s just what we’re going to have to live with, unless we break down and get a studio for the first six months.

My toes were already blistered at this point, but we still had to walk back.  We stopped into a few more scooter shops on the way back, and it looks like we might have to pay around eight or nine hundred each for our scooters.  They’ll be fairly new though, which is something I’ve never experienced before.

This post is immensely boring, but my day was immensely tedious, so that’s what you get.  We ended it by having overpriced but delicious sandwiches at Subway, and staring at the moon with our feet in the ocean.  Pretty sweet, in my opinion.  I have to do a lot more walking tomorrow if I don’t get a scooter, so I don’t think I’ll be moving from this bed any time soon.  My legs are killing me.