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Tag Archives: Love

In Recovery

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I woke up feeling better, but not entirely well. The guilt remained, though. I pretty much ruined the weekend for my hard working husband. We didn’t make it any further from the house than Safeway. Luckily, he found a video game to divert him from his pauper’s despair. It’s not looking good.

But I don’t want to talk about hardship. This year has been a definite aberration, and I’m sure everybody knows how difficult those can be to recover from and how long and endless it may seem. Things are uncertain, and that makes life difficult. Humans hate insecurity. It’s frightening.

But here’s what’s awesome. My baby is coming to stay for a month, and I’m going to enjoy every minute of it. When I told her how excited we were for her to come but that we were very poor right now, she replied with “Mommy, you don’t need money to have fun.” What an amazing child.

I have a partner in this life, and that is something I should never take for granted. I know there’s a better to our worse and that this marriage is unshakable. Whatever else happens, we have each other, and what else is there, really?

The beach is free. The library is free. The grocery store, alas, is not, but we’re probably going to bake together anyway. I get so little time to spend with my daughter. I don’t want to waste any of our moments worrying. If you get what you give, I’m going to try to give a lot of love and see what comes back.

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Unplanned

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Saturdays are half solitary for me. I always have grand intentions of getting things done, then it turns out the buttermilk is frozen, then the recipe is faulty, and it just doesn’t happen the way you want it to. So instead, you just watch a movie and play Sims for a couple of hours because that game is the awesomest time suck in the history of the world.

And your love texts you and asks you if you want to meet for mai tais, and of course you do! You go early and use your voucher for free stuff at Victoria’s Secret. Then he gets there and there’s some stupid basketball game on, so Mai Tai Bar is packed, but it’s not dinner time yet, so you have to wander around until you’re hungry enough to grab a burger at Island’s.

You remember the Godiva rewards card in your wallet and get yourself a free key lime truffle because everything tastes better when it’s free. You fall in love with a green polka dot dress at Forever 21 and successfully manage to not let your husband talk you into buying it, even though he’s really persuasive.

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It’s time for dinner, but there’s no room at the bar to take advantage of drink specials, so you just suck it up and pay full price. The food is fine, but the giant mangorita is spectacular. Luckily, one is plenty.

You go home and write a bunch, and guess what, your love is writing, too. He’s so prolific these days. Who is he? Don’t you just love him. It’s a lovely day.

My Husband Is a Hero

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I’m being super nit-picky about my blog design, whilst simultaneously doing nothing to make it better because I haven’t got the slightest clue how to design a blog. My husband kinda sorta does this for a living, so I’m trying to tell myself it’s a good learning experience, but really I think I’m probably just being a bitch. But I’m trying to be really nice about it.

In completely unrelated news, I had my first ever gel manicure today. It was completely dry in three minutes after the top coat was applied. This stuff is amazing. The lady cut my nails right down to the skin, which was pretty painful. I just want to go to a nail shop once without bleeding at some point. Is that really too much to ask?

I woke up feeling inexplicably anxious. I wish I knew a psychic or a witch or something who could tell me what the hell is going on in my mind that makes me unable to sleep. I’ve been feeling pretty good about things since rejecting my fear of failure in reference to going forward with the blog. I should be sleeping just fine. I’m not.

Full circle: I’m married to the coolest guy ever. I haven’t even been asking him to work on my blog, and yet I come home from getting my nails done, and he’s working on it. Not only that, but he’d already been to the grocery store and bought stuff for dinner, which he then cooked. And he had time to go for a run. I wish his energy was contagious. I got home and sat on the couch and read blogs.

Things will keep going up and up and up. They just have to.

Crisis and Accomplishments

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Some of you may have caught my husband’s blog post from today. All I can say is that my heart is breaking for him. Yes, it’s been stressful on both of us not having the income that we’ve depended on, but what worries me most is my husband’s emotional state. He’ll probably say I’m being girly talking about feelings, but there’s no denying that he’s depressed. Having struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life, I know how hard it can be to recover. And it doesn’t matter what anybody says to you most of the time, your heart can’t cope with what your brain knows to be true. And no, you can’t just “cheer up.” All I can think to do is tell him how much I love him and that my faith in him has not diminished in the slightest.

Who couldn't love this face?

Who couldn’t love this face?

I want him to be outrageously happy. I would give just about anything to make that happen. If anybody has any ideas, I’d love to hear them. I’m helpless.

We just spent the last hour helping our friend move out of her apartment. This could not be more exciting as I happen to know that this particular individual has been extremely unhappy with her living situation for about a year. Her sense of triumph at finally moving out is almost palpable. But since said individual is currently still in a walking cast, it takes a lot of help carrying her stuff out of her house. Isn’t helping you move the whole point of having friends. I couldn’t be happier to have participated in her escape.

It’s getting heavy, kids. Send encouragement. Reinforcement. Food? Or wine. Definitely wine.

1 Day Left and Searching for Confidence

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It’s just me and Emily all alone in the house, and I’m making frosting for my wedding cake. This is the first night that Geoff and I have spent apart since we moved in together three years ago. I hope it’s the last.

I was nauseous all day long. Nothing seemed to be able to calm me down. We went and dropped off decorations at Brenda’s, went to Costco to buy buns, champagne, and cutlery, then worked our way home to start preparing the food for tomorrow. I thought I was going to be sick approximately every ten minutes.

I managed to get most of the work done before setting off for a bit of a rehearsal and a bit of a feast at Hee Hing. I’m sure the ceremony will be lovely. I have complete confidence in Butch. How could anything go wrong when a man that kind is in charge. Is there a nicer person?

We gave our rings to the best man until tomorrow, when we’ll return them to each other in the ceremony. My finger feels naked and sad. I want it back in a hurry.

I hope that we’ve been able to bring families together a little bit this week. It’s been utter insanity trying to get everything ready, but I hope at least everyone else is having fun. Tomorrow it’s here. No turning back now.

Not for one second have I ever questioned the commitment and the vows I am about to take in front of our friends and family. If anything, planning this wedding has only made my husband more of a hero. He is much better at hiding his stress than me. I don’t take good enough care of him. I shall try to work on that.

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It’s all quiet now. I think everything is planned for tomorrow. I’m sure I’ve forgotten something, but I don’t know what it is, so there’s nothing I can do about it. Maybe after tomorrow, I can stop writing like a third grader and my brain will actually begin functioning again.

I hope everyone has a good time. I hope they love the food and get to feast to their hearts’ content. I hope they see the love I have for my husband.

I just hope he thinks I’m beautiful.

Work Day

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I nearly checked off everything on my list. I would have made it to the end if it hadn’t been for the fact that you can’t stack up 48 burgers at a time in my freezer. We’ll finish the other half of the burger prep action in the morning. My hands need to recover from being immersed in cold meat anyway. It’s like brain freeze of the arm.

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I feel like we accomplished quite a bit today. In addition to cleaning the house and the car, making a trip to Costco, and putting 24 burger patties in the freezer, we also bought some bamboo poles that we’ll use to add a touch of focus to the beach ceremony. They’ll be getting some flower/ribbon action. That reminds me. Does anyone have a hot glue gun I can borrow?

I still haven’t written vows yet. I really need to get on that. I have some lines floating around in my head. It’s not easy to distill 3 years of emotions into one minute. How can I choose precisely the right words for such an immense occasion? I’m glad I have the rest of my life to show this man how truly devoted to him I really am.

I worked hard today, but it was lovely. I didn’t feel stressed, just tired. And I had my favorite person with me. How could anyone be unhappy with that?

Love Day

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I have to say right off, I am one lucky woman. I couldn’t possibly find a more caring and wonderful man. I mean, look what I came home to.

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Even though I tell him not to waste money on silly things like flowers, I still love them and think they are absolutely beautiful. It’s good to have someone in your life who can read your mind and know that you like someone to waste some money on you from time to time just to make life a little sweeter. I had no idea he was going to get me flowers and a card, and I felt like a real idiot for not getting him anything.

He also made us some sausage rolls which had the dual perks of being delicious and freeing up space in the freezer which will soon be desperately needed. I plan to fill it with burger patties this weekend. He also got us some hummus and cheese and crackers to take to our sunset picnic on the beach. We feasted in the sand, listened to the waves, and watched the planes pass by as the sun set behind the ocean. It was lovely.

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My contribution to the meal was salted caramel pudding. It was freakin’ awesome. When I manage to cook something that tastes amazing, I feel like a total genius. It’s just about the only time I get to feel like a rock star. I also love making something I know my husband will love. I know he wishes he would have eaten his more slowly. Luckily, there are two more in the fridge for tomorrow.

Normally romance is not at the top of my list. It’s a bit overrated. But sometimes we all need to feel important to someone. I’m not sure why there has to be a holiday for it, but I admit, I enjoyed it. I am so grateful for the love I get to experience, and I absolutely cannot wait to marry this man. Again.