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Tag Archives: Ego

Feeling Young

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Waking up Sunday morning feeling terribly old had an interesting effect.  It may have made me slightly reckless, but with the best possible results.  During a long relaxing morning of waiting for our friend to get off work so we could finally go have brunch, I stumbled upon this page.  It was all over.  I was obsessed.  I must have gone back and looked at the page at least ten times.  So when we were on our way to the diner, and Geoff announced he wanted to go get his haircut afterwards, I started to get crazy ideas.

I managed to load the blog onto my phone using the wifi in the diner, and then I just didn’t touch it.  When we got into the salon, I easily let Geoff and Zach talk me into asking the stylist if he could do that to my hair.  After a lengthy conversation involving a waitress from across the street acting as translator, it was determined that something like that could be done.  The stylist that I go to is great.  He seems to take great care in his work.  The problem is, it’s difficult to get exactly what you want, since we can’t speak to each other.  But that’s my fault for not learning their language, so I’m extremely appreciative.

I was a bit nervous as he was painting bright red, green and blue onto my hair, but as soon as it started to dry and flashes of color started flitting around from the back of my head, I got really excited.  I love it.  It makes me feel young and unique.  It was the perfect quick ego boost.  I don’t have a photo yet.  Maybe tomorrow.

After all this excitement and a bit of shopping, we came home for the main event of the day that made everybody feel like a kid.  I had made a bunch of delicious sugar cookies the night before.  I spread out on the table the cookies, three types of frosting, chocolate chips, and a variety of sprinkles.  Everybody got to decorate their own cookies and send themselves into a sugar coma.  It was a blast.

This was the last weekend with our two closest friends, Zach and Gill.  They both stayed out our house Saturday and Sunday night.  It was great to have them with us.  They are absolutely family.  I’m looking forward to starting a new life in a new place, but I will miss them most of all.


Butter, Sugar, Ego

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I finished those cupcakes yesterday.  It was a pretty messy business trying to get that cherry jam into the center.  Then it was so hot that the frosting was melting as I was trying to put it on to the cupcakes. I was so frustrated.  I wanted them to look perfectly adorable.  Geoff helped me put each box immediately back into the fridge to set so that I could add the literal cherry on top.  I think they came out pretty damn cute.

I also kept two plain cupcakes back for Geoff and I to sample, his with fresh whipped cream, mine with some of that obnoxiously temperature sensitive chocolate frosting, because neither of us like cherries.  I was amazed at how tender and flavorful the cake was.  Nigella’s devil’s food cake recipe produced the best chocolate cupcakes I’d ever made.  But you may have spotted my problem.  I now had 19 chocolate cherry cupcakes in my fridge, and I didn’t even want to eat them.  So I had to give them away.

Nearly everywhere I went yesterday, I took a box of cupcakes with me.  I had to go to work to judge the speech contest, so I took six cupcakes along for people to sample.  Nearly everybody I offered one to got so excited about the mere mention of cupcakes, and they all said they tasted fabulous.

Later we met up with our friend Megan, her sister, and her sister’s friends outside a shopping mall.  They were waiting there specifically to try my cupcakes.  Megan had seen the photo on Facebook and wanted to try them, so I told her we’d meet up that night, thinking she’d probably forget.  But no, they all stood there, five girls, waiting to try my cupcakes.  When I opened the box, they seemed so impressed that I had made them myself, and they each took one with a huge smile on their faces.  After many photos were taken (Taiwanese LOVE to take photos of themselves and their food) they finally unwrapped them and started to devour.  Everybody seemed so happy.  I was thrilled.

People liked something that I made.  They were impressed by not just the taste, but the appearance of them as well.  They were so happy eating them.  This makes me extremely happy.  It makes me feel special and important and talented and brilliant.  And yet I wonder if this is a problem.  Do I only cook and bake so that I can get compliments?  Am I just waiting for someone to tell me how amazing I am?  Is feeding people really  just a trick to feed my own ego?  Am I a praise junky?  It makes me happy to make other people happy, but I also like hearing that I am good at something.  I used to get applause for my talent as a dancer.  It felt good.  I guess I still need applause.  I can’t decide if this is normal, or if I’m some sort of sick egotistical freak with a giant hole in my soul that can only be filled by butter and sugar and chocolate and compliments.  What’s wrong with me?