We’ve been down this road before. Even I’m a bit bored with it at times. Unfortunately, it’s a place I have to continually return to. I’m counting calories again.
Our wedding is now only two months away. I want to look as good as possible, seeing as how everybody will want to be taking my picture, which is something I detest. I’m never satisfied with the way I look. I so admire people who can see a photo of themselves and think, “Hey, I look pretty damn good.” That never happens to me.
For my birthday, my husband got me a fancy new phone, a droid X. I downloaded the Live Strong app on January 2nd and have been using it to keep track of everything I eat, along with all of my exercise. This has turned the bane of my existence into an even greater monster than before. I now get only 1300 calories per day where I once had 1500. If I liked fruits and vegetables, maybe it would be manageable, but the food I love, the food that really makes me happy, is carbarrific, usually cheesy, and often sweet. Very few things in life give me as much pleasure as chocolate, and I’d happily have a cheeseburger as my last meal. I can’t remember a single time in my life where I thought “Hmm… You know what sounds really good right now? A salad.” That never ever happens.
And to add insult to injury, my husband, who’s tracking his calories as well, is allowed five hundred calories more than me and burns almost twice as much when we do the same exercise. While I’m struggling to get in enough exercise to break even, he’s sitting on the couch with five hundred calories to spare. In fact, after I finish writing this, he’s going to have to watch me do five minutes of jumping jacks to burn off those sweet potatoes fries he asked me to help him eat tonight.
I usually give up on “dieting” after about two weeks. It’s just too annoying not to be able to do the things that make me happy. Do I need a beautiful body? Probably not. Do I want to let my friends and family see all my squishiness when we go to the beach while they’re here? Probably not. It’s a rough world, folks. I would feel so much better if I could just relax with a bar of chocolate and a glass of wine. But I can’t. Expect grumpiness ahead.