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On Repeat

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The same things keep going through my head over and over. It’s probably getting rather dull for anyone who lives outside my head. At the moment, I am thoroughly exhausted, and my husband is mad at me for flinching when he poked me in the ear. Who knew typing for eight hours could make someone so tired.

I had an interesting conversation this morning about confidence, and then again tonight about being intimidated by bloggers who have so many obvious advantages over me. People with giant kitchens who honeymoon in Paris and Italy have a huge head start. But what does somebody who gets a new SUV every year really have to say to someone like me? Well, beyond “put these ingredients together in this way,” not a whole lot most of the time.

I happened to be browsing my Pinterest board filled with eye-roller inspirational quotes about life. I secretly buy into all that crap. Don’t tell anyone, though. It’d ruin my street cred. It’s just that I have this mind, and I sort of like using it.

I was never one of those girls who could get what she wanted from her looks. And I certainly couldn’t ever buy my way to success. I guess that might be part of why I’ve had to struggle so much. And while I’m certainly no genius, I do feel like I have slightly above average intelligence. My brain just works in such strange ways that it doesn’t seem to make sense to anyone else.

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I’ve let go of the life I thought I was supposed to have once before. It turned out that what was waiting for me was something more wonderful than what I ever thought possible. Maybe it’s time to shed some more fears, and discover what else is waiting out there.

Heat

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I woke up freezing this morning. The weather app on my phone said it was 62 degrees. I had to use my fleece blanket and everything. Then later we went for a walk, and I was burning up. I checked the old weather app, and to my dismay it was only 78 degrees. It’s going to get ten degrees hotter. I may need to start daytime hibernation soon.

I spent a boring day cleaning the house and working on the blog. I wish I could have some graphic design knowledge implanted into my head Matrix style. I have no idea how to make a properly sized header for my blog. Never mind the fact that I don’t have an appropriate image to use in the first place. I’m a writer, not a designer. Ugh. How do I make a blog look cool? I suck.

I’ve decided that if I’m going to be a blogger, I’m going to have to get in the hang of this photography thing. I’m going to try doing this geek photo a day project from my favorite blogger, Darla at Bakingdom. I also downloaded a photo collage app on my phone. He’s my first quick and dirty attempt at making things look appealing. I need lots of practice.

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The dreaded C word keeps cropping up everywhere I look. Confidence. I wish I could find it. I keep seeing silly quotes about it on Pinterest. Then again on the covers of magazines in grocery stores. Why can’t I just be one of those people who thinks they’re good at stuff? Are they just born that way? Is confidence genetic?

Still keeping my fingers crossed for a string of good luck to start rolling in. There’s got to be some balance restored to the universe. Am I right?