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Tag Archives: Beauty

Awkward Pause

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Well, yesterday…  Steve Jobs died, and that was sad…  I made pumpkin scones, and they were delicious…  I took a nap…  I went to work…  It was actually a fairly simple day.  I came home to a husband who decided to have two cups of coffee after 7 pm.  He was as hyper as an eight year old on fun dip.  We laughed a lot.  That’s about it.

So…  let’s talk about… stuff.  I successfully avoided Pinterest for ages, even though everybody was always saying how amazing and addicting it was.  I thought, “The last thing I need is another thing on the internet to consume all of my time.  That’s why I quit Facebook games.”  But Pinterest is beautiful, and I can’t look away.

I think I mostly maintain a pretty healthy attitude toward material things.  I admire them without having to have them.  If I had a bit of money, that might change, but I do love to look at beautiful things.  It’s cheaper than admission to an art museum, and usually makes more sense to me.  Creativity is inspiring to me.  I get a lot of pleasure out of visually consuming other people’s creativity.  I blame the estrogen.  So let’s look at some cool stuff.

My board, Where I Wish to Dwell, is all about home.  Cool stuff for where I wish I could live, inside and out.

I’m pretty sure I need to live in this house somewhere in an ancient English wood.  I could bake pies and talk to chipmunks and sing to birds while wearing clogs and an apron.  That’s got to be the best chimney I’ve ever seen.

As you might imagine, I’ve fallen in love with lots of photos of homes filled with books.  I’m quite certain I could pass many hours quite happily in a library like this.  Everything is simple.  The books are the highlight of the room.  All the color comes from them.  The floor is gorgeous, as is the view.  Switch it up for palm trees and a sandy beach, and it would be just like home.

The first photo was our English house.  This one is our Hawaii house.  It reminds of of Rose and Bernard on Lost.  I absolutely love the hammock out front.  This is pretty much the most perfect house I will never have.  I love it.

I have a couple hundred images pinned already.  People were right; it really is addicting.  I won’t bore you with sharing every little thing, but I did want to show you just a few.  You can check out all the stuff I love on your own time.  Check out my Eat board to see just how obsessed I am with carbs and cheese.  It’s a problem.  Oh, and surround yourself with beautiful things today.  Most beautiful things are free.  Notice it.  It will make you happier.

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Feeling Young

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Waking up Sunday morning feeling terribly old had an interesting effect.  It may have made me slightly reckless, but with the best possible results.  During a long relaxing morning of waiting for our friend to get off work so we could finally go have brunch, I stumbled upon this page.  It was all over.  I was obsessed.  I must have gone back and looked at the page at least ten times.  So when we were on our way to the diner, and Geoff announced he wanted to go get his haircut afterwards, I started to get crazy ideas.

I managed to load the blog onto my phone using the wifi in the diner, and then I just didn’t touch it.  When we got into the salon, I easily let Geoff and Zach talk me into asking the stylist if he could do that to my hair.  After a lengthy conversation involving a waitress from across the street acting as translator, it was determined that something like that could be done.  The stylist that I go to is great.  He seems to take great care in his work.  The problem is, it’s difficult to get exactly what you want, since we can’t speak to each other.  But that’s my fault for not learning their language, so I’m extremely appreciative.

I was a bit nervous as he was painting bright red, green and blue onto my hair, but as soon as it started to dry and flashes of color started flitting around from the back of my head, I got really excited.  I love it.  It makes me feel young and unique.  It was the perfect quick ego boost.  I don’t have a photo yet.  Maybe tomorrow.

After all this excitement and a bit of shopping, we came home for the main event of the day that made everybody feel like a kid.  I had made a bunch of delicious sugar cookies the night before.  I spread out on the table the cookies, three types of frosting, chocolate chips, and a variety of sprinkles.  Everybody got to decorate their own cookies and send themselves into a sugar coma.  It was a blast.

This was the last weekend with our two closest friends, Zach and Gill.  They both stayed out our house Saturday and Sunday night.  It was great to have them with us.  They are absolutely family.  I’m looking forward to starting a new life in a new place, but I will miss them most of all.

Getting Old

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I used to easily be able to stay up until 3 am or later and then sleep until noon the next day without a pinch of regret.  What happened to me?  I can’t manage to keep my eyes open much past midnight these days, even if I’ve had a luxurious nap.  And I can’t remember the last time I slept past 9 am.  There’s something about the quality of the morning light here that just forces me out of bed.  It’s pathetic.

I’ve also noticed a lot of changes to my appearance this year.  I get a new weird mole every twenty minutes, it seems.  My butt seems to sag a bit more than it used to.  My arms are particularly flabby.  I have distinct lines around my eyes.  I am officially wrinkly.  I don’t like this one bit.  Time and gravity are taking their toll.  I’m not ready to pay it.

And I’m only just now getting to a place in my life where I feel like I know what I want, and I actually have some idea about how to get it.  I’ve learned to accept who I am and not try to change or adjust to other people’s expectations.  I’m not so lost anymore.  Unfortunately, this new found wisdom doesn’t show in my face.  The only thing my face seems to show these days is that I’m tired.  Time is a cruel mistress.

I spent a great day eating and laughing with friends.  I baked a couple dozen cookies for a little FYOC party today.  Just another excuse to get rid of things in my refrigerator.  Come by and frost your own cookie with all the left over frosting I’ve accumulated over the past couple weeks.  It should be delicious.  And while we’re getting fat, we can compare wrinkles.

Wedding on the Brain

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There are probably so many other things I should be thinking about right now, but unfortunately my mind keeps drifting into the realm of our pending wedding.  We have proclaimed that this event will take place at some mysterious future date, but that’s about all that’s set in stone.  I feel like such a silly girl even mentioning the word wedding, but I can’t help it.  It’s been on my mind.

I know several other lucky friends who are also planning weddings right now.  I know their experiences will be much different from mine.  They’ll doubtless have a budget and spend money on having traditional and beautiful things as part of their weddings.  Things like engagement photos, a videographer,orders of service, a caterer, a traditional venue, seating plans.  You know, all the stuff that you expect when you think wedding.  There’s a part of me that wants all of those things.  But then reality hits.

I have no money.  My “wedding” will probably only fit the loosest definition of that term.  I’m putting all of my friends to work so that I don’t have to hire people to do the work.  There are things that we think we want, but most of them will probably end up not happening.  I doubt there will really be anything at my wedding that is traditional.  We’re even having our friend Zach, who was ordained online, officiate our ceremony.  It seems appropriate since he was the one who introduced us.  And our friend Gill, who was there when we met, has been put to work taking photos.  We’re pretty dead set on Cheeseburger in Paradise catering our event.  I don’t even know if they do that.  Is it cheeky to make your wedding BYOB?  Can you having a wedding cheesecake?  People will be so confused.

If you follow me on Twitter, you know that a few images caught my eye today.  I think my current aesthetic is leaning toward a rustic, whimsical, romantic style  There’s something almost mystical about some of the images that have taken my breath away.  They are natural and unpolished.  They are homey and sweet and intimate.  Can I create this feeling on a beach?  I hope so.  Fairy tales usually take place in the woods, but I’m not giving up my ocean side wedding for anything.

I’ve been seeing images of these soft romantic braids in several places.  I love that they’re delicate and slightly unkempt.  I am committing to growing my hair out so that I can have some kind of flower-studded braid in my hair when I tell the world that I will love Geoff Griggs for the rest of my life.

Hawaii has these great expansive trees with low hanging branches.  They are enormous and almost seem to grow together in places.  I absolutely adore them.  I love these hanging candles.  They’re so magical.  I’m such a girl right now.  I disgust myself.

For some reason I’m in love with all things Mason jar today.  I saw a bunch of different decorations using just humble jars.  Maybe it’s my need to be distinctly non-fancy.  I hope this day really does happen.  I hope we can find a place we can afford and manage to scrape together a beautiful celebration of love for our family and friends.  All our guests will probably be put to work though, so watch out.  I promise, the cheeseburger will make up for everything.

Lazy Girl Guilt

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My feet hurt.  I walked for an hour tonight.  It’s not much, but it was enough to make me feel a bit tired.  Some days I wish we didn’t have that stupid scale so that when I feel the need to eat lots of cornmeal pancakes I don’t have to see the quantifiable effects.  Geoff has lost 28 pounds, and he’s looking better every day.  I, on the other hand, have lost only 14, and this week I gained two.  I think I liked it better when we didn’t have the scale.  It’s so disheartening.

I’ve been for a walk three days in a row.  It’s hot and irritating.  I’ve always loathed exercise for the sake of exercise.  For the first twenty years of my life I danced four to eight hours a day, so I never thought twice about exercise.  Before my daughter was born, I worried about being too thin.  Whine. Whine. Complain. Complain.  I know I should stop complaining and do something about it.  But to be quite frank, I’m feeling a bit pissed off about the whole notion of being thin right now.

Why can’t I be magically skinny like all those gorgeous movie stars who I never have to see sweating at the gym or getting into tummy-flattening undergarments?  Why can’t I have perfect hair and makeup like they do?  If their hair and makeup crew is just out of shot, they don’t exist, right?  Those women wake up in the morning looking magically beautiful.  There is no effort or will involved.

Dispensing with the delusions and moving on to the good part, those cornmeal pancakes were pretty fantastic.  And there’s a bunch more in the freezer, so they can continue to be fantastic and make me fat for days to come.  I haven’t baked anything since Monday, so I had to get a sugar fix somehow.  Perhaps that demontor’s still wafting around outside my door.  Where’s my damn chocolate?

On Being Awesome

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Normally I am the queen of self-loathing.  I never think I do anything right.  I NEVER think I look good.  I never think I’m clever or interesting, but yesterday I think I did alright.

I woke up in a surprisingly good mood for a Friday.  Normally I’m so exhausted by Friday that the prospect of having a million lessons is utterly depressing.  But yesterday I was feeling groovy and not about to let the man, or the kids, get me down.  I even treated myself to a hot chocolate from Starbucks.  I have to say, trying to get junior high kids to write persuasive essays in English is extremely tedious business.

School ended, and I came home and immediately started baking chocolate chips cookies.  It was lovely and peaceful moving around in my quiet kitchen mixing and weighing and measuring with Stephen Fry reading the words of Jo Rowling in my ear.

Nigella’s recipe told me to melt the butter first, which I thought was unusual, but these giant cookies came out looking absolutely beautiful.  They used a quarter of a cup of cookie dough for each cookie, so they were gorgeous and enormous.  When I finally got a chance to eat one, they were soft and bursting with chocolate and so incredibly delicious.  I was pretty proud of myself.

As usual, I was meeting Geoff at the diner at 9.  I was determined not to be late this time.  I was also determined to look as good as possible as I had been keeping things immensely low maintenance all week, which translates to looking pretty scary.  Around 7:30, operation look less crappy commenced.  I had a fairly sexy outfit at the front of my closet, and the super cleavage bra at the top of my drawer.  I figured it must be an omen, so I decided to go with the black pencil skirt and low v-neck top.  I put on some make-up, nothing too ghastly, and attempted to curl my hair in a nonchalant fashion.  By the time I was ready to leave the house, the smell of cookies was filling the apartment, and I was looking pretty good.  I felt like my husband was a lucky man indeed.

I enjoyed a wonderful evening with my man and a friend we hadn’t seen in weeks.  Much wine was consumed, and much laughter could be heard.  It’s nice to feel good about yourself from time to time.  I think I’ll try it again today.  Lots of cooking to be done for the rapture picnic.  Can’t wait.

Automatic Self-Esteem Eliminator

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What was I thinking trying to buy a dress in Taiwan?  When I originally went looking yesterday, I wasn’t expecting to find my size.  But I got my hopes up when I saw the dress I loved was available in an extra large.  However, when I went in today to try on that extra large (as if that wasn’t bad enough), I discovered that the dress wouldn’t go over my hips.  Yes, I realize that Asian women tend to have smaller frames and be much thinner.  I know that most of them have flat butts and small breasts.  But no matter how much of that genetic reality I understand, it is still completely disheartening to not be able to wear something beautiful because of my ass.

So, I probably shouldn’t even be writing right now because I am feeling extremely negatively toward myself.  It makes me want to bake a tray of brownies and then eat them all by myself…  after licking the bowl clean of batter.  It makes me feel like I can never be beautiful again.  Tomorrow I will realize that that’s a ridiculous way to think, but right now I’m feeling extremely disappointed about my total lack of anything interesting to wear to this wedding, and I just want to pout about it.  I wonder if that dress would have fit me if I was still a size four.  Can I go to this wedding in a bathrobe?  At the moment, I’m feeling that’s all I will fit in to.