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Tag Archives: Anxiety

Call the Plumber

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I know. I owe you two blog posts. I spent a significant portion of Thursday night writing, so it hadn’t occured to me that I hadn’t written a post on this blog. Until Geoff asked me where it was after we went to bed. What can I say, it was a busy evening.

I spent the entire day feeling anxious and wishing I could talk to my husband. He’s not allowed to use his phone at work and only gets one 15 minute break each day, so our opportunities to communicate are very limited. It’s a hardship when the cure to my anxiety is unavailable. It’s amazing how his words can soothe me.

When I got home, the plumber had arrived to unclog the sink in our backyard which had been vexing us for weeks. I couldn’t believe how quickly and easily he got it fixed. It was done in less than 30 minutes. Then we got the bill, and my lack of comprehension was heightened even more. Apparently, plumbers make $250 an hour because we had to pay him $125. At the moment, our landlord is saying we have to pay for it, but I’m going to do a bit more research on his legal responsibilities. It seems like the landlord should be responsible for the plumbing. Hopefully we can subtract it from our rent next month.

Money is tight. We have had one extra or unforeseen expense after another this year, on top of Geoff not working for ten weeks because other people are crazy. I know we’re not the only ones feeling the strain. I’m sure a lot of people can relate to the struggle just to live and find a little happiness. I am grateful for what I have. I just wish things were a little easier.

My Husband Is a Hero

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I’m being super nit-picky about my blog design, whilst simultaneously doing nothing to make it better because I haven’t got the slightest clue how to design a blog. My husband kinda sorta does this for a living, so I’m trying to tell myself it’s a good learning experience, but really I think I’m probably just being a bitch. But I’m trying to be really nice about it.

In completely unrelated news, I had my first ever gel manicure today. It was completely dry in three minutes after the top coat was applied. This stuff is amazing. The lady cut my nails right down to the skin, which was pretty painful. I just want to go to a nail shop once without bleeding at some point. Is that really too much to ask?

I woke up feeling inexplicably anxious. I wish I knew a psychic or a witch or something who could tell me what the hell is going on in my mind that makes me unable to sleep. I’ve been feeling pretty good about things since rejecting my fear of failure in reference to going forward with the blog. I should be sleeping just fine. I’m not.

Full circle: I’m married to the coolest guy ever. I haven’t even been asking him to work on my blog, and yet I come home from getting my nails done, and he’s working on it. Not only that, but he’d already been to the grocery store and bought stuff for dinner, which he then cooked. And he had time to go for a run. I wish his energy was contagious. I got home and sat on the couch and read blogs.

Things will keep going up and up and up. They just have to.

Food Drive Hangover

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Everybody at my office had a glazed look today. We were all a bit sunburned and extremely exhausted. Apparently it’s like this every year the Monday after food drive. Wouldn’t it be great if I was still around this time next year to see if it’s really true? I should be getting a day off soon to compensate for the time I worked on Saturday. I think I need it.

One of the perks of being an office slave at the food bank is that my co-workers are totally into snacking. I came out of my closet today to discover that there was pie and brownies and ice cream bars. I had one of each. And some hot chocolate to go with it. That’s the reason I came out of seclusion in the first place. It was the best 3:00 chocolate break ever! Epic!

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I was really excited about the totally legit number of hits we got on Awesome on $20 today. It’s not viral good, but for a month old blog, I’m pretty proud of it. Keep telling your friends. Share, tweet, pin, comment. We love it.

I have to take a moment to complain about my neck pain again. This is real life, people. I can barely turn my head, and I feel like my neck just can’t relax. It’s inconvenient to say the least. Maybe I should take something. Send massage gift certificates!

But in really real life, there’s nothing exciting to report. Geoff ordered us a lens for our cameras on our phones. I’m excited to try it out. I’m going to make chocolate bacon cupcakes tomorrow. That should be interesting. And my anxiety level is mysteriously amped up, so that’s making things really fun. It’s great to be a person with mild mental illness. Never a dull day.

Also, if you see the laundry fairy around, please send her to our house. Thanks.

Hangover Malaise

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Normally I’m quite happy to spend a Saturday relaxing and not accomplishing much. We both woke up feeling the effects of Friday night’s sangria, leaving us more unmotivated than usual. Yet for some reason, I felt a bit guilty about my laziness today. What has become of me? I just had this nagging sense of anxiety that I should be doing something. I could never seem to figure out what it was, though. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to come up with a new post for Awesome on $20. I need three things for next week. Any ideas?

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The highlight of the day happened before 10 am. Geoff claims that the only cure for a hangover is McDonald’s breakfast, but we got there and it was closed due to a power outage. We found ourselves starving on Waialae and had no choice but to get breakfast at Big City Diner. It was the first time we’d gone to a proper restaurant since all of our guests left. I felt a bit guilty about spending the money, but not as happy as I felt eating the cinnamon bread french toast. You have to treat yourself sometime.

I hope tomorrow I can figure out what it is I’m supposed to do. I hope I can unscramble my brain long enough to get some writing done. Focus, kid. Focus.

Glorious Nothing

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It’s Sunday evening, and other than walking to Safeway, I’ve gone absolutely nowhere the entire weekend. I didn’t even change my clothes. I couldn’t be happier. I actually feel rested and relaxed. It’s been wonderfully restorative. I needed this.

Geoff rented a video game Saturday morning and spent the entire weekend playing it. He played from around 9 am to about 10 pm on Saturday, and then woke up again Sunday morning and played again until about 6:30. I’m pretty sure he couldn’t possibly be happier either.

Geoff was here the entire weekend

Geoff was here the entire weekend

I spent most of my time reading, cooking, and scheming to start a new blog. The first post will be published at midnight tonight. I don’t know why, but I’m sort of nervous about it. Nobody will see it anyway. Is it too much to hope that I might actually write something good? Eek! Why do I worry so much?

I made these and posted them on the new blog

I made these and posted them on the new blog

Apparently, that’s a genetic thing. I was half listening to a story about the latest studies on competitiveness while doing my data entry at work. It appears that some people are born with a warrior gene, while others are born with a worrier gene. I have no doubt which one I was blessed with. I guess you can tell whether or not you’re a warrior based on the length of your ring finger. Mine must be as stumpy as they come. I am no warrior.

Tomorrow it’s back to real life, including the counting of calories. I definitely need to get more exercise. If I can’t go to dance class, maybe I’ll have to make my own. If you see a crazy woman dancing in the park, just keep on walking. Everything is fine. Nothing to see here.

Round and Round

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The waves of anxiety certainly didn’t subside today. I knew I was in for it from the moment I woke up, but perhaps this isn’t the place to talk about my bowels.

We spent some more time searching for a vacation rental house for the wedding reception. Some places were just plain too expensive, but mostly the problem is that the houses require a three to five night minimum stay. I can just barely swing two nights. Three is out of the question. Unless no one wants to eat.

Can we please have this for just two nights?

Can we please have this for just two nights?

Everybody’s saying all the right things, and I’m trying to believe them. I want to trust that everything will be alright, and it won’t be a low-class affair. I’m not asking for extravagance, just a touch of respectability. I just want everything to be a tiny bit nicer than real life.

At the moment, I’m giving up on the idea that I’ll be able to have much fun. Now that all the arrangements for food and serving and bartending and decorating and, well, everything, have fallen to me, I expect I’ll have much too much work to do to even breathe. I guess that’s why people used to have their parents throw their wedding. But before I can even worry about all of that, I have to find a place to put everyone. I refuse to have my wedding reception outside the smelly bathrooms next to the police station.

I’m still hoping for a miracle. I’m praying that the perfect solution will find me and it won’t cost me all of my savings. I wanted to travel with that money. But I guess whatever it takes to throw a great party for our friends and family is what it takes. If you know of any miracles on this island, give me a call. I could use one badly.

Oh, and Geoff got a temp gig, so no starving. No splurging, either. Life goes on.

Emerging

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It’s getting late, and I must say words. My feet hurt. Can I stop now?

Mondays are always hard, but Mondays after a tragedy are the hardest. You can spend the weekend surrounded by people who love you, quarantined from the outside world and the potential judgment that half the time never even comes. In your little cocoon, everyone is on your side, and everything is going to be alright. But come Monday morning, you’re forced out into the world again, where things are possibly harsh and definitely uncertain.

My anxiety was through the roof this morning before I left for work. I was worried about what people were going to say when I went back. How would they take it when I explained to everybody what happened? They were actually really nice about it, but I’m never sure how much of my private life I should be sharing with my temporary co-workers. I’m such an oversharer. It’s a hazard.

I calmed down around lunchtime when Geoff texted me to say he has an interview tomorrow with the same temp agency I work for. They’ve been so great about finding me work, and Geoff has so much more experience and so many more skills than me, I just know he’ll have something by Monday.

Geoff’s friend also came up with a brilliant idea for the wedding reception if we can make it work. It sounds like the aquarium is going to be cost prohibitive, so the new plan is to try and rent a house in Waimanalo and have a potluck reception in the backyard. I wanted to have a backyard wedding all along, but didn’t have a backyard available. I never thought of renting a house.

The trouble is, a lot of the nicer ones are a five night minimum. I could afford one or two nights, but not five. I wish I’d thought of this earlier, I would have just had all my family stay there and we could split the cost.

The awesome tiki bar at the house we CAN'T get for the reception

The awesome tiki bar at the house we CAN’T get for the reception

Fingers crossed that we find somewhere with a beautiful backyard and an ocean view. I’ll make burgers if everybody else will chip in. They keep saying they want to help. Well, guess what, folks, I may be putting you to work making food for the party I’m supposed to be throwing for you. Sorry, Charlie.

Still taking deep breaths. The waves are big these days. I’m ready for things to quiet down.