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Hanging by a Thread

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I mentioned the other day that I’ve been taking aerial silks lessons at Samadhi Hawaii. Here are a few things that go through my head while I’m trying to get up in the air.

Every time I’m about to pick my feet up off the ground, I experience a moment of panic, not because I’m afraid of falling, but because I’m afraid that my arms will not support me. It’s fairly common knowledge that I have useless dinosaur arms. I’ve been saying it for nearly ten years. Why in the hell did I ever think I could do an activity that involves supporting one’s entire body weight with one’s arms? Moreover, I am no adorable little pixie. I’m a bit of a giant who happens to be carrying around a few extra pounds. That’s a big battle against gravity right there. I’ve lost my mind.

I suck.

It’s extremely hot in the studio. Because of my insanely weak arms, I often have to be spotted by the instructor.  This means she has to touch my sweat. I feel horrible about this. It’s rather embarrassing. But I’m paying her quite a lot, so I guess that’s what it’s for.

I suck.

Watching the other students, I realize just how breathtaking this form of movement is. With absolute ease, they seem to escape the ground, flip their legs up over their heads, wrap themselves in silk, and achieve splendid poses with fairy-like grace. It’s mesmerizing.

I suck.

This is the first thing I’ve tried in a long time that I have had practically no success in. In the past, my body has generally been able to perform most things I’ve asked it to do. Not always to the standards of perfection I would have hoped, but with at least a moderate amount of competence. Aerial silks I cannot do. I struggle with every single motion. My body screams and aches for days afterward. I must look like some kind of sad cow up there. Each week I dread going to class.

I suck.

And yet, after I left class this week, with my fingers on fire and my arms dead with pain, I felt a strange sense of rejuvenation. I put some music on my iPod, took the long way home, and sang to passing tourists from my moped, in view of the Pacific Ocean whenever possible. I still suck, but I guess failing is better for the soul than never trying to climb in the first place.

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Papa Tomato Said…

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So, it’s been a while. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Anyway…

Let’s make this quick, ’cause stuff has been happening.

I got a new job. I was starting to average less than ten hours at Island Sole, which was getting ridiculous. It’s no one’s fault, but I couldn’t justify having that as my only job. One day, out of boredom and slight desperation, I decided to send out a bunch of emails to jobs posted on Craigslist. The next day I got a call from a temp agency, and they wanted me to come in for an interview. A week later, they sent me out to a group interview for a call out position with the Muscular Dystrophy Association. Apparently they “LOVED ME,” or at least that’s what my recruiter told me the supervisor said in the email. A week after that, I was promoted to an administrative assistant position. They keep praising me for my phone skills and willingness to be helpful and take on other tasks and be self-directed. They think I’m sooo great. I mention this, not to brag, but because I feel like a retarded monkey could probably do my job, so I’m not sure why they think I’m so wonderful. The people before me must have been extremely dense.

I brought home my wedding dress last night. I’m dying to show you, but I guess that’s a thing people don’t usually do. Normally, I don’t bother with what people normally do, but I guess I can be traditional once in a while. The main point is, I love it, and I don’t care whether or not you do. Okay, I probably care a little, but I’m going to feel so cute, I won’t really notice.

Lastly, I’ve been torturing myself the last three Sundays with aerial silks lessons. I have seven weeks to go. I’m pretty sure I’ll never be strong enough to climb to the top, pull my legs up, and flip myself over. But I already paid for it, so I have to go back seven more times. The skills are absolutely beautiful. I am total crap at executing them. I feel like I might die after every lesson. Why don’t people just fox trot anymore?

Like how I just summed up the last couple of months in less than 500 words? Yeah, that’s how boring my life is. See why I haven’t checked in for a while? I shall try to be lessy judgy toward myself and write more. You may already know my track record on self-judginess. It’s not promising.