This year has been a bit, well, rough. A lot of things changed while a lot of things stayed the same. There were plenty of laughs, but also an abundance of frustration, which is something I could live without. It’s odd to be a woman in her mid-thirties (How did that happen?) and to have no idea what I want to do with my life. It makes one feel a bit lost.
Since we haven’t talked in a while, let’s catch up a bit. I had to quit my retail job in June because I was only getting about ten hours a week. Seems almost pointless. Unfortunately, I left just before I could get two new pairs of expensive shoes for free. Every woman knows this is a tragedy. I started temping, and so far it’s been pretty great. The people I’ve worked for are really nice, and for some reason always seem to be a bit astonished by how good my work is. I can’t figure out why. Currently I’m helping out at the Hawaii Food Bank, which has been nice. It’s rewarding to get to witness people’s generosity on a daily basis. If only my chair wasn’t so hard…
The wedding planning has been a series of disappointments with a couple of highlights. After finding the perfect dress, which was a bit over my budget, I have been shut down by almost everything else I wanted to buy. The caterers seem competent, and I expect the food will be pretty good, though not as excellent as I would have liked had I been a rich girl. They’re giving us a really good deal, but still haven’t told me how much it will cost. He said it shouldn’t be a problem to be within my budget. I hope he remembers. At the moment, we have no one to actually marry us, as our officiant cancelled. That’s one thing I can’t just do myself. Many hopes have been dashed. Expect this wedding to be tacky and low-class. Or should I say, minimalist. Why did I want to have a wedding again?
By far, I’d guess Geoff’s favorite part of the year has been getting the chickens. He loves those girls. He buys them treats, and cuddles them and lets them sit on his lap. It’s pretty freakin’ adorable. They haven’t started laying eggs yet, but it should be soon. I’m pretty ridiculously excited about it.
I’ve also tried a bunch of different dance classes over the past few months. After my abysmal failure at aerial silks, I thought a nice jazz class might be a bit more inspiring. Some friends asked me to take a samba class with them. It’s a bit tricky trying to find the right class and the right teacher for someone in my situation. As someone who’s been a dance teacher, it’s hard not to think about how I would teach the class differently or better. As somebody who’s an experienced, but well past her prime dancer, it’s hard to find the right level that is gentle on my old body, but not boring. I’m still searching for the right combination. But I know one thing. It feels absolutely splendid to be moving again.
I’m not remotely wistful about saying goodbye to 2012. I’m ready to move forward. To move on. To move into something new. I count myself lucky to be loved by such a wonderful man, and live in such a beautiful place, but there’s more to come. There has to be.