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Doubt and Resolve

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I was at work yesterday thinking about all the money I don’t have and about how all the stuff I want to do requires a lot of money.  It was, inevitably, depressing.  Perhaps I shouldn’t have a wedding at all.  It does, at moments, seem a frivolous, attention seeking affair.  Perhaps the whole thing is just nonsense.  Why should I spend so much money throwing a party for myself?  No one will come anyway.

But I want my husband to see me in the beautiful dress.  I want him to look at me and remember why he traveled halfway around the world to be with me in the first place.  I want to get all of our friends and family together.  I want to declare to the world how much I love this man.  I want to feed them all great food and give them a chance to dance if they want.  I wish all of my friends could be there.  They’ve helped me through so many hard times, I want them to see me ridiculously happy for once.

I’ve decided, just now, not to be lazy and scared.  We’ll find the money somehow.  I will do whatever it takes to make it beautiful and not cheap and tacky.  I will count on nature to provide most of the decoration.  I’ll just do everything myself.  I have experience being two places at once.  We’ll finally set a date by next week.  I can totally do this.  I can throw an amazing party for you.  Not to worry.  I’m on it.


About Renee

Life should be awesome, even if your paycheck isn't. I'm trying to live awesomely on $20 a day.

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