I was at work yesterday thinking about all the money I don’t have and about how all the stuff I want to do requires a lot of money. It was, inevitably, depressing. Perhaps I shouldn’t have a wedding at all. It does, at moments, seem a frivolous, attention seeking affair. Perhaps the whole thing is just nonsense. Why should I spend so much money throwing a party for myself? No one will come anyway.
But I want my husband to see me in the beautiful dress. I want him to look at me and remember why he traveled halfway around the world to be with me in the first place. I want to get all of our friends and family together. I want to declare to the world how much I love this man. I want to feed them all great food and give them a chance to dance if they want. I wish all of my friends could be there. They’ve helped me through so many hard times, I want them to see me ridiculously happy for once.
I’ve decided, just now, not to be lazy and scared. We’ll find the money somehow. I will do whatever it takes to make it beautiful and not cheap and tacky. I will count on nature to provide most of the decoration. I’ll just do everything myself. I have experience being two places at once. We’ll finally set a date by next week. I can totally do this. I can throw an amazing party for you. Not to worry. I’m on it.