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A Nervous Wreck

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I am trying not to let my anxiety overwhelm me and make me dysfunctional like it has in the past.  There are so many things to be worried about what with the visa, the move, no jobs, no place to live and no way to get around.  I’m mean, sure it seems like nothing, but it’s slowing me down at times.  I’m trying to keep a positive attitude as much as possible.  All that nonsense about envisioning your future and stuff.  We will get the visa, Geoff will get the job, we will find an apartment in Honolulu, I will find work etc.  It really will happen.  You wait.

But there are a few amusing things that are making me nervous as well.  I thought I’d share a few of them with you.  I’ve been living in Taiwan for almost two years now, and I’ve grown very accustomed to certain aspects of the culture.  It will be strange to readjust to things once we’re back in the states.

I haven’t driven a car since I left America.  We’re going to have to get a car when we get there because you can’t get to the other side of the island without driving on a highway.  Also, apparently you can’t buy a scooter without a motorcycle license so it will take a while before we can get those.  Do I even remember how to drive a car?  Is it like a bicycle?  Will I try to drive on the sidewalk or swerve into another lane without looking as is the custom here?  I’m sort of nervous about being behind the wheel again.  I feel fairly certain that I won’t kill anyone.  I just hope I don’t embarrass myself.

Most of the people standing around us in public will be able to speak English.  For most of the past two years, that hasn’t been the case.  I’ve been able to say whatever I wanted, and nobody has been able to understand me.  I’ll have to remind myself to keep my mouth shut.  No more making fun of people’s bad clothes.  Of course, in the US there won’t be as much of an opportunity as women there don’t generally wear Mickey Mouse t-shirts and hot pants.

What will I do with a proper kitchen with four burners on the stove?  It’s been so very long since I’ve been able to cook more than two things at once.  I hope I don’t suddenly start burning a bunch of food once I’m able to serve more than one dish at dinner time.  And what will I do with all my extra time once I can actually get all my baking done in one batch?  I’ll have to take up knitting or something.

Moving to Hawaii is going to be one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  I’ve already done some pretty crazy things in my life, so this should be right up my alley.  I’ve let go of a lot of fear over the past few years, and now that I have someone so amazing to spend my life with, I want to start getting some serious living done.  Barriers be damned.  I’m taking over the world.


About Renee

Life should be awesome, even if your paycheck isn't. I'm trying to live awesomely on $20 a day.

One response »

  1. That’s the spirit! Think P-O-S-I-T-I-V-E
    Dispel those negative thoughts, and enjoy!!


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