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Who I Am Not

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Since I’ve begun the web presence of my imaginary future bakery, I have been skulking about the internet checking out what other people are baking.  Sometimes I see other blogs and photos of cakes and cookies people have created and decorated and the beauty of them is both breathtaking and discouraging.  The images that people create in these photographs are absolutely stunning.  And I start to think to myself, why do I even bother?  What’s the point of even getting started.  I will never be good enough to be noticed.  There are a million people more talented than me.

But then I stop and take a breath and think about what I am and what I am not.  I am not a designer.  I do not create color palettes.  I do not design interiors, tablescapes, or clothing.  I am not an artist.  I am not capable of drawing or painting.  I am not a photographer.  The only thing I know how to do with my camera is push the button to take a picture.  I am not a lighting designer.  I am not a food stylist.  I am not a stay at home mom making a business out of a hobby.  I am not rich.  I am not a professional writer.

I am a mom and a wife and a  teacher.  I live in Taiwan and have a tiny kitchen and a miniature oven.  I love to eat dessert.  And more than that, I love to make desserts and share them with people.  I get excited about beautiful New Zealand sea salt.  I dip chocolate bars in peanut butter.  I love things that taste great.  My food is unpretentious, perhaps even unsophisticated, but it tastes damn good.  A cookie does not need gold paint to make you swoon.  A towering four layer cake is gorgeous, and I would love to learn how to do it.  I shall probably even try.  But as long as what I make is delicious, that’s really all I care about.

I think I’ve said some of this before, but it bears repeating.  I have lost track of my identify before in my life.  It is disheartening.  I spent so many years as a dancer comparing myself to other people.  It can be crippling when you lose your perspective.  Alas, I have no crystal ball.  If my imaginary future bakery ever becomes real, only time will tell.  But I shall try to remember not to focus my worries on what I am not, and instead put all my energy into making what I am even better.

Overly sentimental pep talk much?  Somebody shut me up.  I might be sick.  Just know, you will be inundated with photos of  my first attempt at fancy cupcakes on Saturday.  You might want to look away.

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About Renee

Life should be awesome, even if your paycheck isn't. I'm trying to live awesomely on $20 a day.

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